A Spiritual Quest

Untitled

2010-04-13T06:39:00.002-07:00

So captivated, am I
By the melody of Your voice
So near to me, are You
I can almost see Your face

An extraordinary joy:
A taste of Your glory
With creation I sing:
Holy fire engulf me

Lord, I fall at Your feet
Let me bask in Your love
Carress me with Your wind
Your presence is enough

Jesus, You are enough.

Leslie Molloy 4/10/10

Crying to the Lord

2009-09-29T07:07:00.001-07:00

My heart cries to the Lord
My world is dark and gray
Adrift in choppy waters
I try to find my way

I call upon the Lord
To come and rescue me
I'm drowning and alone
Fighting the savage sea

Though I feel defeated
Still, I can see a light
My maker and my savior
Is a beacon in the night

Oh how You refresh me
Encourage and console me
God, your light soothes me
Holds me and renews me

The Lord extends His hand
And He calls out my name
He urges me to come
He wants to take my pain

I have to take his hand
The choice is up to me
Take shelter in my God
Or fight against the sea

Though I feel defeated
Still, I can see a light
My maker and my savior
Is a beacon in the night

~ Leslie Molloy 9/28/09

IDOLATRY

2009-08-13T08:24:00.002-07:00

I bought a camera last week. It was used, but so, so nice - 7.1 mega pixel, nice large screen, great condition - the asking price was $59.99 but I talked the shop down to $39.99, then I spent an additional $15.00 on a memory card for it. I was so happy. I've wanted a digital camera for quite sometime, and I felt so blessed to have gotten such a nice one for such a great price.

Sometime earlier this week I lost my new camera. It's not in the house, or my car. If it's not in my sisters baby stroller, then it's for sure gone. When I realized this yesterday, I was absolutely devastated. I mean really, I was completely devastated over the loss of this thing.

I cried and was pissed off, and then I cried some more! Then at one point I just stopped and thought to myself, "I don't want to be THIS upset over a $50.00 camera." It was then that I realized that was my idol: money and things. Now, I don't have any money, and I don't have many things... but what little bit I DO have, I idolize.

I love how the Lord reveals himself as he continuously sanctifies us! It's just this on-going process that boggles my mind. As soon as I had that revelation, the decision was put inside of me to STOP crying and to NOT let this loss of a thing devastate me. I don't want to have a love of anything more than my love of Jesus, nor do I want the fear of losing material items to be greater than the holy fear I have of Him.

I thank you, Lord, for being faithful in your love, as you do a work in a me. I love you and pray that you will continue to show me how to be more like you each day.

I Am Saved

2009-08-11T08:43:00.003-07:00

I wrote a poem some time ago, called "I Am Saved" - this is a re-work of that piece:

I spent so long searching
For answers in the world
But never really seeking
The truth within Your word

Such terrifying storms
I battled in the night
As darkness closed upon me
I was rescued by Your light

I've needed You since the beginning
Now I need You more each day
More, Jesus, by the minute
For it's You who leads the way

Jesus, You pursued me
Unclean lips and heart of stone
My heart, You then nourished
With a love I'd never known

So humblely I accept
The gift You give in victory
I praise your holy name
In awe of your majesty

8/9/09 - Leslie Molloy

Marriage

2009-08-07T08:54:00.000-07:00

I am married to a man who I love to pieces. I am very lucky, in many ways, because he loves me just as much as I love him., and although him and I are on different paths spiritually, he does not stand in the way of my relationship with my God.

Pat and I have many issues, though, in our marriage. Not the least of which is the fact that he suffers from bi-polar disorder. I know that all couples have issues, great and small, but I also know that his mental illness creates a lot of extra stress and tension in our home. Often times, our moods, communication with one another, whether we go out or not, etc., is determined by what kind of cycle he is on that day. Most days, Pat and I have a lot of fun. We laugh a lot, play cards, talk... just normal stuff. Other days, though, things can be so ugly. Pat can be so mean and hurtful in his attitude and tone, even when nothing has been done to give him that response. Nonetheless, I have made a consious effort in the past few months to not retaliate when he is in an ugly mood. I have improved greatly, with the aid of Jesus' work in my life, in not yelling at or belittling him, even when that's what I FEEL like doing.

I came home from work yesterday and I was in a great mood. I've been getting some OT lately, my new avon business is going well, and all in all, I was just happy. When I got home, though, my happiness was not shared. I don't know what happens or why, but for reasons I don't know if I'll ever understand, Pat sometimes is just pissed off. And yesterday was one of those days. By the time I went to bad I was feeling terrible, and you know something I love about Jesus is that he lets me cry and never makes me feel badly about it. And cry I did.

I just cried and prayed to the Lord and was honest with him about how unhappy I was right then. How hard Pat makes our lives sometimes, and for no reason! How I sometimes wish he'd just leave, that I didn't want to be married anymore. I told Him how hard it is to love Pat with a Christ-like love, when so often he makes me feel so badly. I was thinking about how Pastor Aaron taught that the purpose of a marriage is to reflect Christ, and all I could think was how this, Pat feeling ugly and me lying in bed crying, is not a reflection of Christ at all. As I cried and prayed I just began to feel okay. Jesus always lets me cry a while, and then he always brings me peace... ALWAYS. It just doesn't matter how sad my marriage, or anything else, makes me sometimes, because joy and love I receive from Jesus inspite of the imperfections of this world, is so overwhelming and powerful, that the negative just can't hold a candle to the splendor of my King!

As I was feeling that peace I had a vision of women being beaten by the men they love. Women who have to beg their husbands to be kind to them. Women in bondage. Women whose husbands don't love them. Women who are treated like slaves, whores, and pieces of trash. Women whose husbands won't let them go to church, or anywhere else for that matter. It was about that time Pat came in to me and apologized. He said he doesn't know why he acts the way he does sometimes, but that he'd had a bad day, and didn't mean to take it out on me. With the comfort of Jesus, and the apology of my husband, I was able to sleep so well last night. I know that Pat can't always help how he's feeling, and a lot of the times he can't control it either, but I choose to love him anyway, just as Jesus chooses to love me despite my sin.

There was a time when I would have said that I loved him more than anything else in the world, however to say that now would be an untruth. I love Jesus more than anything else in this world.

2009-06-30T09:39:00.001-07:00

It's amazing the work God is doing inside of me. As of late, I've become much more aware of how judgemental I am toward others, how prideful I am, and how there are people in my life that I really feel are not my equal (whether it's due to their attitude, intellegence, or otherwise).
As Jesus is working inside of me in this area, we studyed Philippians this weekend and it was incredible how once again it is proven to me that the Word of God is alive! Reading Philippians 2:3-11 really hit me:
"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature[a] God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing... "

As I am a new creation in Christ our Lord, so too can those others become a new creation in Him. As I look at them as unworthy in whatever respect, I am reminded of how unworthy I, myself, am of the grace that's been given to me.

I LOVE how the Lord is doing this to me. This process is absolutely fascinating... the Holy Spirit communicates so explicitly, I never knew this type of supernatural communication was possible. See, it's just another proof-positive of who God is, because these changes that keep on happening within me, would have NEVER been my idea... nor could I have made such drastic corrections in my life on my own.

I'm in absolute awe about what's happening in my life. I'm so in love with Jesus - it's a feeling that I cannot explain. I'm just so excited to share these events and I'm so excited to see the progression of my journey... it's amazing!!

The Delight of the Lord

2009-06-09T08:20:00.001-07:00

Last week at my Connection group, I was talking to one of my group leaders, Heather, about a struggle I was having. Although I know that God is my father, my comforter, my savior, my friend... and I know that he loves me - I just couldn't grasp the idea that he would delight in me. I can see why he would delight in many of those around me... but me? That just didn't seem possible.

Heather shared with me a thought: At church there is a couple who just had a beautiful baby girl, Lilly. Heather asked me, "How much does Lilly have to do for her father to delight in her?" I smiled and replied, "At this stage in her life, Lilly has to do nothing at all. Her mere existance is a delight to him." (Hmmmm... that was an interesting point) She then shared Zephaniah 3:17 with me.

All last week I was really meditating on this scripture and thinking about what she said to me.

Then Sunday at church, during worship, I had an amazing experience. While singing and praising Jesus, I was really connecting to Him. My heart was filled with love overflowing as I sang along to TRUE LOVE and then to WITH EVERYTHING.

My eyes were closed (as they often are) and when I opened them, I was in the throne room of our Lord! I could see Jesus sitting before me, and as I sang to him, my arms raised, he looked into my eyes and smiled so lovingly. I closed my eyes again, thinking it couldn't be real, just my vivid imagination... but when I opened my eyes again, He appeared to me even clearer, and his smile was so radiant!

He wasn't just giving me a simple smile to say hello, he was absolutely beaming at me, and it was so clear at that moment how he delighted in my love for Him. How he enjoyed my worship of Him. He couldn't care less that I can't sing pretty like so many others - His love for me surpasses all of my human and worldly imperfections! And at that moment, I got it. I didn't just understand his delight, and although I felt it, it was even more than just a feeling... Jesus blessed me with the supernatural experience of SEEING His delight in me.

I know this was real. I was given a priceless gift: a glimpse into the throne room of our Lord. I glimpse at the real and tangible love He has for us all. Thank you Jesus for that amazing love and that amazing moment we shared. Oh how I love you.

Studying Ephesians

2009-05-13T13:30:00.000-07:00

One of the biggest impacts our study in Ephesians had on me, this past Monday, was that final scripture we read that said, "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ."

I have a co-worker at the airport, who is my friend and also my christian brother - him and I are both growing in the Lord, and as we do our friendship has grown as well. It's been really cool. Last week he lovingly brought to my attention that I should really try to not be so rude to my sister (who works in a postion under the both of us), when she comes into my office for whatever reason. At the time I just totally shrugged off what he said, and even argued as to why I am the way that I am. He replied, "oh yes, I forgot, Leslie is the Queen of Everything!"

(That kind of stung, because although that was my nick name once upon a time - since I've given my life to Jesus, it's become quite obvious that I am the queen of nothing!)

Well, that scripture really hit home with me in regards to the fact that I was not being submissive to my christian brother. Not only was I not being submissive, but I wasn't even regarding what he said to me as worthy of consideration. This is not acceptable! When I got home I immediately called him to apologize. I shared the scripture with him, and you know what was so funny? He doesn't even remember me being rude, or him advising me to try harder to not be so. And his remembering or not remembering, doesn't even matter - I want to be accountable, submissive, and pleasing in the eyes of my savior.

HOLY SPIRIT COMMUNICATION

2009-04-16T07:19:00.000-07:00

The most amazing thing happened to me yesterday: The Holy Spirit spoke me, out loud, in english!

I was driving home from work, and as I got near my apartment building, I made my left hand turn and passed a lady who was walking on the side walk. She was rather elderly, hunched over, and was carrying bags and a cup. I could see that it took great effort for her to walk and cary these items, but I drove past her and continued around the corner toward my apartment.

Right after I made my turn, a voice told me, "turn around and pick her up." I have to admit, at first I said, "no." I didn't want to pick her up; she was dirty and messy, and I didn't want this to be MY responsibility. But again, the Holy Spirit said to me (more sternly, this time) "TURN AROUND AND PICK HER UP!"

Even though I didn't want to perform this act of kindness, I turned my car around and asked the lady if she wanted a ride. She was so grateful. She got into my car and I saw that yes, in fact, she was a little unkempt. She had milk shake dripping off the side of her face and she had somewhat of an odor as well. All I could think about was how Jesus wouldn't care about her odor, so I didn't care either.

I was friendly with her, and didn't end up needing to take her all that far - although it was too far for her to have had to walk in the state she was in. I dropped her off at the home she directed me to and she was so thankful. She said, "God bless you." and all I could say was, "No, God bless YOU."

She got out of the car and I immediately started to weep. I talked with God and told him that I got it. I really and truly understood, and I was so glad that I was obediant in helping that lady. I know that she appreciated my help, but I know that I got so much more out of helping her than I would have ever imagined.

Thank you, Jesus!

SAVIOR

2009-04-02T05:46:00.006-07:00

The penalty was paid - the day You died for me
You endured punishment - though never were to blame
Yes, bruised and beaten - You suffered willingly
Poured out your blood - that I could call it victory

The sins of all time - You bore upon the cross
Now Your healing blood calls out - to all who are lost
And although the afflictions of the world - may seem real
It is written - that by Your stripes we've already been healed

The creator of life and inventor of love
Provided salvation, by the blood of His son
And though it is true, on the cross He did die
Three days later, Christ Jesus, surely did rise

Your death, Lord, a horror - but resurrection sublime
And because of that love - I'm now fully alive

ENCOUNTER

2009-01-25T15:11:00.005-07:00

This weekend I had an encounter with my Lord and Savior. It was an amazing and completely singular experience. I was, again, shown another reason as to why I am so, so grateful to have been led to this church. I thought, I have to write about this experience... but as I'm here at the computer I don't even know how to explain what I just went through. All I can say is that I feel like EVERYONE I know should go on an Encounter.

In between sessions, this weekend, I found myself journaling. Just writing my thoughts and feelings as things progressed. Due to the amount of them and their lengths, I will not share them all, but I want to share some of the things I "jotted" down during my encounter, maybe it will give you an idea of the revelation and freedom I experienced:

"... the realness of this moment is filled with holiness and love."

"It's no wonder my marriage has not been blessed - I have not shown it honor or sanctity."

"I am a shell of who I was. Who am I? I have no identity, other than that of Christ's child. He is my father and I his daughter. All other parts of who I am are a distortion of that truth."

"... I pray you will direct me, love me, and continue breaking me and making me into your new creation."

"I didn't know what to expect for this weekend. I was expecting to have an encounter with my Heavenly Father - but I did not expect this. I had no idea the unforgiveness I had in my heart. I had no idea the shame I had buried deep inside, from things I've said and done in the past. I thought I had let go of these things - I thought I had forgiven my trespasses as well as myself a long time ago... but come to find out I had only locked them away and forgot where I'd put them. This encounter has unlocked that chest of ugliness and sin, and in doing so I've been ripped apart. It has become quite apparent that I am completely inadequate in being in charge of my own life. I thank you, Jesus, for breaking me apart today, that I can genuinely see that without you I cam truly a cursed nothing with the inability to care for myself. Thank you for your degradation on the cross. For your selfless love. what can I do but praise you? Thank you? I dedicate my life to you and your will - for without you I'd be dead!"

Encounter

I'm being broken in pieces
And ripped to shreds
My identity is gone
The old me is dead
"You're making me new"
I thought as I cried
You're making me new
I can feel it inside

It is through Jesus and his Holy Spirit that I have been changed forever... praise His holy name!

The example of Saul...

2009-01-03T18:20:00.002-07:00

At work I have a dear, dear friend named Michael. I just love him!

Today, him and I were talking about him needing to stop chewing tobacco (it's SO gross... I mean I was a smoker for a LONG time, but this snuff stuff is super gross), and he informed me that he can't quit chewing it because he can't change. (hmmm... really?)

Using myself as an example, I told him, "Look at me. I said I couldn't change and I didn't think I'd ever quit smoking, but I have... how do you think I did that?" His reply to me was, "You're strong. You were determined. It was your will - you wanted to quit so you did."

I had to laugh at that, because I am SO weak, and although I said I was determined, deep down I didn't want to quit at all!! I told Michael he was quite incorrect and that I had no part in it, other than the prayers I'd pray, asking God to put it on my heart to WANT to quit smoking ('cause he knew too, that I didn't really want to) and that he'd take this addiction away from me. And guess what? He did!!

So Michael says, "Oh, you're gonna play that card now, huh?" [LOL] "Yes," I said, "I'm going to play that card." So the conversation continues and he tells me that his girlfriend tells him that he's got the devil in him and she wants him to change too, but Michael says he doesn't believe in the devil or God, or any of that stuff. I replied that he's thinking of a little red devil in cartoon form - which is not real - but there IS a devil and he's very, very real. Michael doesn't think so... but dropped that subject fairly quickly.

Again he tells me about his inability to change in any way for the good. I told him that I disagreed that change was impossible. I said to him, "Let me tell you a little story about a man named Saul..." I went on to tell him about the bad things Saul did to Christ's followers and the type of man he was. I said to Michael that, "I'm sure if it had been left up to Saul he would have thought he couldn't change either... but lucky for him, and many others Jesus intervened and changed Saul's entire life!" I told him that while on the road, Saul saw a blinding light and Jesus actually spoke to him directly!! We were at work, so I couldn't go into the story much deeper, but I let him know that because of Jesus Saul DID change and ended up living a life completely dedicated to Him!! Wow!

Michael listened to me tell this story (I appreciated his sincere concentration, by the way), but still says he can't change. I just smiled at him and told him that was okay if he didn't think so, I said that I have an amazing "prayer team" and I'd make sure that I asked them to pray for him that he may be set free.

(then he wanted to read me my horoscope LOL go figure)

I post this blog, not to give myself glory - but to glorify my Father!! This was the first time that He used me to speak to someone, using actual scriptural reference, with complete CONFIDENCE that I knew what I was talking about!! This excites me SO MUCH!!

Praise Jesus, my awesome King, Savior, and TEACHER!!!

Thank you, Lord, for giving me the right words and the right example for Michael. I pray that those on my "prayer team" will keep praying for Michael, that he may experience, first handed, the glory that is God and see that through Him, he too can change in ways he didn't think possible.

Amen.

A Letter

2008-12-11T06:29:00.004-07:00

Dear Father God - I'm writing You a letter
To explain what You mean to me
I've waited my whole life to feel Your love
Now I can feel it - so brilliant, so pristine
I am blind with fanatical love for You
Crying out to You, Lord, my arms are raised
I lean to your whisper and seek nothing more
You're beyond all radiance and fit to be praised

How remarkable that I can feel You
And how thankful I am to be saved
How remarkable that I can hear You
And how incredible, the price that You paid

You're something for which there is no substitute
And this world has nothing to offer me
I am running to You, Lord, with reckless abandon
Because with You is the only place I want to be
I'm incapable of describing the depth of how I feel
How lost and broken I was without You, how there's no going back
How I inhale Your name, Jesus, over and over
To break the power of the enemies attack

How remarkable that I can feel You
And how thankful I am to be saved
How remarkable that I can hear You
And how incredible, the price that You paid

I am sure of the things that I hope for
And I have become certain of things unseen
God, I know that You speak only the truth
And that Your living Word can speak to me
Please guide my steps, Father God
Not just where to go, but also what to do...
Sincerely Yours, with a thousand thoughts
Of how much I truly love you

- Leslie Molloy 12/10/08

Deuteronomy

2008-12-06T17:16:00.004-07:00

So, about 6 months ago I started reading my Bible. I started with Matthew, because a very wise woman told me that if I wanted to get to know Jesus, then I needed to start with Him. Since I got through the entire New Testament, I started at the beginning with Genesis and have thus far made my way to Deuteronomy.

I've been learning a lot about the Old Covenant as I've made my way through Exodus, Leviticus and now Deuteronomy... and last night I had a revelation.

Here's one example of what I read last night: Deut 21:18-21 -

18 If a man has a stubborn and rebellious son who does not obey his father and mother and will not listen to them when they discipline him, 19 his father and mother shall take hold of him and bring him to the elders at the gate of his town. 20 They shall say to the elders, "This son of ours is stubborn and rebellious. He will not obey us. He is a profligate and a drunkard." 21 Then all the men of his town shall stone him to death. You must purge the evil from among you. All Israel will hear of it and be afraid.

And another example: Deut. 22:13-24 -

13 If a man takes a wife and, after lying with her, dislikes her 14 and slanders her and gives her a bad name, saying, "I married this woman, but when I approached her, I did not find proof of her virginity," 15 then the girl's father and mother shall bring proof that she was a virgin to the town elders at the gate... 20 If, however, the charge is true and no proof of the girl's virginity can be found, 21 she shall be brought to the door of her father's house and there the men of her town shall stone her to death. She has done a disgraceful thing in Israel by being promiscuous while still in her father's house. You must purge the evil from among you. 22 If a man is found sleeping with another man's wife, both the man who slept with her and the woman must die. You must purge the evil from Israel. 23 If a man happens to meet in a town a virgin pledged to be married and he sleeps with her, 24 you shall take both of them to the gate of that town and stone them to death--the girl because she was in a town and did not scream for help, and the man because he violated another man's wife. You must purge the evil from among you.

I know that Jesus came to Earth as a perfect man, and died sinless on the cross, and rose again after 3 days in the grave - His sacrifice is why I am saved, I know this. But just last night it occurred to me WHY he had to do this.

So I'm reading in Deuteronomy last night and I was reading how the consequence of all these different sins is that the guilty party is to be stoned to death, and I'm thinking, "wow, how horrible for these sinners that they don't get a second chance." Because let me tell you, I should have been stoned to death a LONG TIME AGO, but then it hit me like a bolt of lightning - that's why the fact that Jesus Christ established the New Covenant is so important. I HAVE been given another chance. I was able to repent and to be FORGIVEN - I don't have to face the sentence of death as a consequence of my sin - Thank you Jesus!!

So, we've all heard over and over again, Romans 6:23 "For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord." - and although I've known this for a long, long, time - I now know it, I understand it, and I am convicted in my knowledge and understanding of what it means and why.

Happily Ever After

2008-12-05T07:18:00.003-07:00

A happily ever after
Is not make believe or folk lore
My prince charming is King of Heaven and Earth
And he'll love me forever more

I can't keep my arms from rising
To worship you and give your praise
You deserve all the glory, God
For through your blood we can be saved

My God, My King
My Lord, My Lover
You have made me new
My God, My King
My Friend, My Father
I'm holding onto you

When my strength is almost gone
And I feel broken to the core
I remember the agony of your sacrifice
And I know I can withstand even more

Your spirit is an absolute wonder, Lord
Creating love and joy and laughter
How that joy must increase in Heaven
Where we'll live happily ever after

My God, My King
My Lord, My Lover
You have made me new
My God, My King
My Friend, My Father
I'm holding onto you

11/26/08 - Leslie Molloy

I AM SAVED!!

2008-12-05T06:54:00.002-07:00

I spent so long searching
For answers in the world
but never really seeking
The truth within your word

I've needed you since the beginning
Now I need you more each day
More, Jesus by the minute
Because it's you who leads my way

My imperfections - so apparant
So undeserving, am I too
But I can't stop the tears from flowing:
I am saved because of you

11/26/08 - Leslie Molloy

The Lord's All I Need

2008-12-05T06:49:00.002-07:00

Miles and miles I walked with the serpent
Taking a path of ugliness and sin
Little did I know, those steps had purpose
Leading me to when life would truly begin

How rich is God's grace - that I can be saved
How pure is His love - that He loves even me
How foolish I was, mislead and so proud
Now it is clear: The Lord's all I need

I am weak, Father God, but you give me strength
I am lonely, but I know, I am never alone
When lost I need only to seek your direction
To remember your embrace is where I am home

The world distorts what is true, what is good
Encouraging sexual sin, hatred, and greed
By your grace God, I was able to begin life anew
And now it is clear that you're all I need

11/10/08 - Leslie Molloy

Life Connection

2008-10-20T16:30:00.000-07:00

The church that the Lord has led me to is absolutely unbelievable!!

Wait... let me start at the beginning:

From the time I can remember I was interested in who God was. I remember going to Baptist church as a child - mom & dad didn't go, but they had the bus come and pick us up and take us to church. I sang the songs with the other children, "Yes, Jesus Loves Me", "Jesus Loves the Little Children", and so on, however; I never felt like Jesus loved me. I knew that I was just supposed to accept his love as fact and not ask questions about it, because when I would ask questions to the Sunday School teacher I was brushed off. I vaguely remember being baptized at that church, but I'm certain I had no real grasp of what that baptism meant.

The time came when my sister and I stopped going to that Baptist church. Apparently the church contacted our mother and questioned her about us never having money to put into the collection plate. My mom tried to explain that we didn't always have the extra money to give, and the church let her know they were not babysitters - thus ending our church going. I still have my Bible, though, from that Baptist church, with my child's writing within it.

After that I went to catholic mass a few times with a school friend of mine, and attended a Four-Square church briefly as well. Then my mom started studying with Jehovah's Witnesses. See, Mom was a home health aide nurse, and one of her patients, Nonny, was a Jehovah's Witness. Nonny's daughter, Darlene began a Bible study with mom, and mom started taking Kelli and I with her.

The Jehovah's Witnesses convinced us all that they're belief system was "the truth". The fact that they themselves call their religion "the truth" helps in this belief. I then made a friend in school who was also a Jehovah's Witness and we quickly became BEST friends and I was with her all the time. I became quite educated in what Jehovah's Witnesses believe. I attended meetings with her and her parents, participated in them. This church doesn't allow women to wear pants to the meetings. We always had to wear a skirt, even when going door to door with them. I don't think I ever really took the time to think about whether or not I truly believed what they believed or not. I was just hanging out with Lacie and loved her and her parents so much, and I figured if mom believed this was the truth, then it probably was and as long as I did all the church stuff with them, Lacie and I were allowed to be together almost constantly. (side note: my mother never did get involved in the meetings or the details of being a Jehovah's Witness, mainly due to the fact that she didn't want to quit smoking or give up Christmas).

Then, after my 8th grade graduation, my parents moved us quite a distance away. Lacie and I stayed in contact for a bit, visited a couple of times, and then I made a decision that ruined our friendship for a few years... but I digress.

During my high school years I was almost completely uninterested in God, Jesus, religion, or my salvation. I was a heavy drinker, drug abuser, sex crazed, out of control teenager. Still, I had a friend who was Mormon, others who were non-denominational, a couple who were into Satanism, another who was Wiccan. I dabbled a little into the dark realm by studying a little witchcraft and satanism, but quickly realized neither were for me. Still, something I enjoyed with each of my friends, regardless of their faith, were the discussions we'd have about creation vs. evolution. Is there a Heaven or an after life? The world, the meaning of life, etc. etc. etc.

Those high school years were rough ones. I'm lucky to have survived, and praise God I did. I moved to Las Vegas in 2000, about a year after I graduated high school, and I met my husband, Pat. We met my 2nd day there, spent the whole day together, I spent the night at his apartment, and I never left. We've literally been together since the day we met.

While living in Las Vegas we met two amazing Mormon missionaries. Elder Struck and Elder Cenatiempo - what great guys. Pat and I though were high on love, we were often low on cash, and these missionaries would help us with food orders from the church, and taught us about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Some of what they taught made sense and other things did not. Nonetheless, I loved them and met some wonderful ladies at the church and made some friends there so I started going to the Mormon church briefly. This was another church where dressing up was expected. I was baptized at some point after Pat and I got married, but I was not entirely happy or comfortable with it. For some reason I went ahead and did it but when doing so I knew that I wasn't 100% honest about some things with them like I should have been. I allowed them to baptize me under false pretenses and it wasn't long after that that I stopped going to the Mormon church.

Together, Pat and I met an awesome woman named Carolyn (she was our downstairs neighbor). Carolyn was a Born-again Christian and proudly let us know about it. I didn't understand what "born-again" meant, versus just a "regular" Christian - but she educated me a lot about what she believed and what it meant to be Born-again. For a long time Pat and I would go and visit her. We'd have dinner together, talk about the Lord, and smoke cigarettes LOL. One night, after having dinner with her, she led Pat and I, together, through the sinners prayer and we were saved that night, together in her living room. I had said that prayer before (a couple of times actually at different churches) - but this was special to have shared that prayer with my husband.

All this time and still I never felt as if I understood who Jesus was. I knew the stories. I read so much scripture in the course of my life that I felt that I should have a better grasp on what was the truth and who Jesus was and so on. But I didn't.

So fast forward to Phoenix, AZ. In the past couple of years I tried studying with the Jehovah's Witnesses again, and it didn't work out well. They were pushing me to quit smoking, and I just plain didn't want to. As an adult, I remember everything I learned previously, however; I learned new things too. Or perhaps the same things I already knew, but now saw in a different light. Either way, I had too many doubts to continue, what I was being taught just didn't sound right to me - something that for so long I was told was "the truth" and that I thought WAS "the truth" no longer sounded right... and I didn't think this WAS the TRUTH!! So, my spiritual quest continued.

Well, we hired this woman at work, and she was a very special kind of person. Her name is Cindy and although I never got to know her very well at work, we did like one another and would exchange pleasantries and small talk on a regular basis.

I remember her telling me a story about a tooth issue she had. The dentist was sure he'd have to pull her tooth, that it couldn't be saved - and Cindy yelled out about the healing hands of Christ and that her tooth WOULD be saved by the glory and power of the Lord. I guess the dentist was amused by her boldness, or her words, or maybe just her faith general... but lo and behold, her tooth was saved LOL. I remember her telling me that little story and her raising her voice when she was telling me what she had told the dentist, and all I could do was smile and think to myself, "Wow! This chick is for real. She really does have power from God, and not just to heal herself but probably to do many great things in His name." Cindy was always pretty open with me about her being a Christian, even though I'd never shared with her anything about myself with her... and I was so attracted to the fire in her spirit, I wanted that fire too... but what could I do?

Then one day earlier this year Cindy put in her two week notice to quit. She and her husband were moving to Florida. "Oh my God," I thought, "I never got a chance to really talk to her." I knew that I HAD to talk to her about Jesus. At the time I didn't know how I knew this, or why I knew this, I just knew it (I now realize that the Holy Spirit was guiding me to her all along, I was just too scared to listen. At this point the Spirit let me know I'd better do something to talk to her or it'd be too late once she left).

Finally, I don't know if it was the day before she was moving or a couple of days, or what - I know it wasn't long before she was leaving though - I wrote her a letter. In as brief a note as I could write, I gave her a quick history of my life and told her briefly about the spiritual quest I had been on my whole life.

I am now so, SO blessed and so grateful to have her in my life. Since that letter her and I have been so close, you would think we've been friends for years and years. Funny, we still have never hung out together. Our relationship went from that letter to phone calls... many, many phone calls over the past few months.

Again, with Cindy, I said the sinners prayer and for the first time in my life I felt that I was truly saved. I began my walk with Jesus that night by opening my Bible and reading it. I started with the New Testament and have read a little bit more almost every night since then. I am almost done with the New Testament.

All of a sudden, I started having some very strange health issues. Things that I never had before in my life. I've began a diet. I've only lost 19 pounds so far, but I'm still going strong. I quit smoking. I'm working on not cussing. I still have a lot of work to do, but I am making very positive changes in my life and doing it without the help of diet aides, or nicotine gum, or anything else other than Jesus and his Holy Spirit.

I started feeling like I wanted to go to church, but I didn't know where to go. I went a couple of times with a friend from work to his church, a Pentacostal church, and I loved it. It was very comfortable, where it was acceptable to wear skirts or pants or jeans - dress shoes or tennis shoes or sandals... and the people there were very nice, and I could definately feel the spirit there. It's so far away, though, that I'd only gone twice. I was still hoping to find a good church that I enjoyed going to close to home.

Then, another friend from work, Izell, invited me to his church: Life Connection Chruch. I went there yesterday for the first time and I can not wait to go again. I got there before Izell did and after being greeted at the door, I went inside where there were more people hanging around and chatting. I went inside some double doors and entered a very dimly lit room where a rock band was playing and singing praises to God. There were chairs around the room, but most everyone was standing, arms in the air, singing along with this band. Some people were jumping, others clapping, everyone was filled with the spirit - you could FEEL it everywhere. Thank God they put the words up on a screen so I could sing along too. I loved it. I loved everything about my first time at this unusual church. There were people dressed up, others (and most) were in jeans, t-shirts, tennis shoes. People with tattoos, piercings - it didn't matter, we were all there to give glory to the Lord. We were all there to praise God and to have fellowship with other believers... I've never been anywhere like this.

After the music, the Pastor got on stage and sacrament was passed out. Afterward he asked that the crowd join into groups of two or three and to pray outloud for anyone and anything that needed praying about. This kid next to me, probably 16 years old, turned to me and we joined our hands together and he began to pray. His prayer was simple but heartfelt. The entire room was erupted in prayer. Just voices upon voices of prayer to God and it was SO POWERFUL. I could feel the Holy Spirit welling up inside of me. Taking over me so entirely that I literally had to sit down for fear that I was going to fall down. It was incredible.

I thouroughly enjoyed listening to the Pastor preach. I can't wait to hear more of what he has to say. He is honest, true, humorous, he is real - yes, I can tell these things after just one visit. Cindy told me that I would know when the Holy Spirit moved me. That I would be able to tell whether or not a church was the right church or whether a preacher was guided by the Lord or any number of things by how the Spirit moved me... well, I know that Life Connection Church is the real deal and I couldn't be more excited that my spiritual quest has led me to it.

I am so grateful to have been led to this church. I will definately be back there next Sunday, and I can't wait!